Chinese Medicine Man

            So, Gavin and I got our health checks this morning. I found out this was happening at about 11:30 last night just as I was finally nodding off.

            Gavin and I are to meet yet another assistant (we’ve met two and I have phone numbers for one other) at 8:30 out of the company’s office building, which I have yet to see at this point. Luckily, Gavin had been the day prior and leads us there. It’s only a ten minute walk from our apartment and we’re early. We camp on the steps and are finally approached by  Shirley, the woman who’s designated to help us through this whole ordeal. I assume we’re ready to go. Then she tells me: “we’re waiting for Auntie.”

            Oh joy.

            She shows up after another ten minutes and we all clamber into her car, which seems rather decent. It inspires me to wonder what the hell this woman actually does for a living. Anyway, she whisks us across a bridge away from the heart of the city to a creepy little government building with an overly bureaucratic name. I didn’t think to write it down but it was something like “The Chinese-Guilin International Office of Entering and Exiting Citizens Public Security.” Seriously, there were a lot of words in the name of this building.

            We were led to the side so our pictures could be taken in a little studio. Glad I wore an undershirt and skipped the shower. That mixed with another restless night of sleep will make sure my documents capture the real Eric: the confused, sleepy, unkempt thing wandering the streets of this bat-shit crazy Country.

            Luckily, this is a short diversion and we’re shuttled off to an equally bureaucratic travel clinic. We park around back and sneak in through another side door, sliding an overturned table out of our way to make our entrance. Real official… If I didn’t have diseases already now is a good as time as any to start.

            We’re given some forms and fill out all we can (still need an address people) and are led from one cubical to another. This examination seems a lot more involved than the one I’d have to leave the States. The first step was a four point electromyocardiogram (my best guess). It was that, an ultrasound (it’s a boy), chest x-ray, blood sample, urine sample, eye test, the works. The most unnerving parts were Auntie stalking around and recounting her previous endeavors with us hopeless Westerners. That, and peering into ever examining window she could seem to find. All I could think was “please. Please don’t do that while I’m in there.”

            The whole process only took about an hour, which was merciful, and then we were off for home.

            Well, only before we swung through some apartment complex to deliver a printer and cell phone to some woman. Is that how Auntie keeps afloat? Electronics smuggler? Repair woman? I have no idea.

All I know is that in one week I should know just how many diseases I picked up because of that health check. 

The Life and Times of “Auntie”

This woman is an enigma. Or she might be. Really, I can’t understand anything she’s saying. I’ve mentioned her before in my posts, I believe, but after this morning she just deserves a bit more of the spot light.

As mentioned, she was the one who helped show us our apartment and get us moved in on Sunday morning. However, she also showed up last night at like, 9:15-ish. Mind you, I’d just given up and come out of a cool shower and retreated to my air conditioned room when I heard the banging at the door. I heard Gavin respond so I just ignored it but then I heard her.

As near as I could figure, she was coming to make sure we were comfortable. I had resigned to sleep so my air conditioner was running pretty heavy, mostly because no matter what the settings on the remote read it only seems to have one output level. This was good. Gavin, on the other hand, doesn’t sweat as easily as I do and was comfortable just to have his windows open. This was bad.

Auntie tried to pantomime that my room was freezing and that was right and Gavin’s room was too hot and that was wrong. I tried to explain in my broken Chinese that we’re both okay. She assumed that his air conditioner was broken and kept turning it on and holding her hand in front of it to feel the air. She also wanted Gavin to do something to his air conditioner with an old pillow case. That part still has me confused.

I’m not sure what changed, but her next tactic was to indicate that Gavin should haul his mattress into my room and sleep on my floor. Gavin and I are cool, but we’ve been sharing a room for the past week. The space is welcome. However, that concept is difficult to explain. So I just resolve to repeat “我么是很好！” Which, I hope, translates into “we are both very good” until she leaves. That didn’t work.

We cycle through these first few steps a few times. Me, knowing she doesn’t speak English and being an ass, begin to say simply in English “please go. We don’t understand you. You are making us very sad.” Gavin was amused and Auntie said “Hello.” Her one English word. Sigh.

Eventually, she did leave. I’m not sure what worked in the end. The whole encounter, which took maybe twenty minutes, was one of the most random and confusing experiences of my life.

Also, she told us to close our windows at night or we’d be eaten by rats.

Reflections - Week 1

This is harder than I think I’d initially expected. I was led to believe there’d be a lot more English speakers. On one hand, I’m glad there aren’t. It’ll force me to learn Chinese which was one of my reasons for coming. But when EVERYTHING is so foreign, it’s difficult when you can’t even express simple requests.

            The heat also isn’t helping. It feels like all I’ve done is sweat in this country. I’m regretting only packing one pair of shorts. I never wear them back home but this heat and humidity is just relentless. And only being able to drink bottled or boiled water is tough when I don’t have a kettle or fridge. I’m just happy bottled water is really cheap.

            I just need to get situated, I hope. Once I’m in Beijing, know my job, and have a place to live I can start figuring out my ass from my elbow. I didn’t pack to live out of a suitcase and get shuffled around the country.

            China is a bit vulgar by Western standards. There are lots of people spitting and sneezing openly in the street. I saw a grown man peeing into a bush on a crowded street at like, three in the afternoon. No one says “excuse me.” Cars and bikes just seem to come from every direction and don’t look for pedestrians or other cars. It’s just a constant battle for survival.

            When I went to Sweden I fell in love instantly. The architecture was brilliant. The people were calm and very polite. The whole atmosphere was very quaint, proud, and becoming. China is going to have to grow on me.

            I think it will. I don’t want to sound like this is whining or that I’m afraid I made a mistake. I’m not thinking that. It’s just been one of the craziest weeks of my life. I have no clue what’s going on most of the time and that’s more difficult for me than I realized. I have a lot to learn and I’m looking at China as something of a challenge to overcome.

Challenge accepted.

Guilin – Day 2

We were scheduled to switch from our apartment to our hotel. This little woman everyone calls Auntie came to our room at 9:45, fifteen minutes early, and led us out to cabs and then over the building. I wasn’t sure if she’s the land lord (turns out she isn’t) but she was very helpful getting our backs up all seven flights of stairs. Once our bags were in she started cleaning. We weren’t sure what to do so Gavin and I just sat and watched awkwardly.

The previous tenant showed up after awhile. A twenty five year old South African man named Paul who’s switching from working for Kristy teaching children to becoming an English lecturer at a local college. He’s been here ten months and speaks quite strong Chinese. He didn’t know any when he got off the plane but has practiced extensively and it shows. It’s rather inspiring actually. He gave me a few tips about learning that I plan to enact once I’m settled in Beijing.

Anyway, he helped go through some negotiations with Auntie and the land lords, who did eventually turn up, as Gavin and I continued to sit by uselessly. After they left Paul offered to take us out and show us around. We had lunch at a local restaurant, potatoes (thought of you, Olivia) and egg plant with dumplings. After lunch he showed us around a bit. Like Beijing, the little street market is about two blocks from the huge mall. China is just weird like that.

Guilin - Day 1

It was about 1:00p.m. when we arrived in Guilin. Gavin and I hauled our stuff through the train station and met Summer and Molly who’d been sent to collect us, two locals who work for Kristy and our set up to be Gavin and I’s teaching assistants. Molly is a bit like a Chinese Barbie, very pretty with a very high pitched voice; she’s my assistant. Summer is all business and often looks stern or cross but seems very efficient. She’s going to be Gavin’s assistant.

They took us to our hotel, let us wash and then took us to lunch. It was sort of like an ala carte buffet. Lots of little plates with food and some were meant to just be taken, others you pointed at and a waitress brought over. I couldn’t discern the system and I didn’t care. I’d only slept those few fitful hours on the train and eaten the light breakfast Li had given me along with a cup of noodles and some small rice and fish meal I’d bought on the train. I. Was. Hungry.

After lunch we were swept off to see our new apartment. It’s sort of a shit hole (though it’s the apartment I’ve seen in the country so I don’t want to judge to harshly) but it’ll do for two weeks. After that we were basically left to wander. We wandered through the market right outside our apartment and through a big mall and along a river walk. It seems very cool here. Then again, we’re right in the center of Guilin. In Beijing, we were a bit farther out from the middle. Anyway, a quick detour to our hotel for a breather and we went out again and found a sprawling pedestrian street with tons of little shops and restaurants. We ended up walking around for almost three hours. At one point, a local man came up to practice his English with us and showed us a little noodle shop where you can get Guilin’s famous rice noodle dish for 3.5 Yuan. A freakin’ steal for a hearty bowl of dinner. We ended the night at an Irish pub for a quick night cap. It was empty but also 8:00p.m.

On our way back to our hotel we saw some huge dance being performed on a large outdoor stage. We watched a few numbers and I gave up and went back to hotel. Gavin was back only twenty minutes behind me. Apparently there’d only been three more dances. Someday we’ll figure this place out. Someday.

Radio Silence, part five - Twenty. Six. Hours.

            Friday went more smoothly. We left our hotel at 7:30 and basically waltzed right onto our train. The train was already quite full, however, and I packed for a year in Beijing, not two weeks in Guilin. Wrestling my parameter hugging suit cases down the crowded car was a struggle and the other passengers did little to help. That seems to be the Chinese way. Some people have been very helpful and friendly. Most don’t even move out of the way as you struggle by.

Anyway, we got settled sitting on the floor of the smoking car and started our journey. The first leg was spent leaning against our bags, then there was room on the rack after the first stop and we stowed our bags and stole seats until the rightful ticket holders boarded and ousted us. That was the second leg of the journey. Eventually, we learned that you could buy dining car seats at eleven p.m. I took my back pack of valuables and wished the rest of my luggage well and wrestled with Gavin to the appropriate car. A line had already formed but it wasn’t a huge line. It was already 10:40p.m. by the time we hit the line and they opened up the doors at 10:50. We slumped into seats and I instantly attempted to sleep at the table.

I succeeded. I was woken a few times by the waitress but basically managed to fitfully sleep for the next five hours.

Eventually, the girl who told us about the dining car passed through and told us that we could buy beds. DONE! We gathered up and found an agent who would sell us two beds and stumbled off to sleep. Unfortunately, once I laid down I was wide awake. However, I was much more comfortable so I just read and listened to music and started writing this extensive stream of posts.

Towards the end our journey, the girl who’d led us to the dining car and the sleeping car returned and gave me something called “Monkey Munch” and two individually vacuum wrapped hard boiled eggs. I can’t identify or describe the monkey munch. I don’t think it was real monkeys. Anyway, her name is Li and she’s an English student at the college in Guilin and I owe the retention of my sanity largely to her. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Li.

Radio Silence, part four - "I Like Trains"

Thursday was not a great day.

We were supposed to leave our hotel at 8:00 to make our 8:20 train immediately next door. Okay, if you say so, Kristy. Unfortuantely, it took Gavin and I almost ten minutes to get our deposits for the room keys back (Gavin actually just went without his) so by the time we made our way to the train it was too late. It was still two minutes early and we could SEE the train on the platform but they still refused to let us on.

Frustrated, defeated, sweaty as anything, we set off to try and remedy our dilemma. The ticket taker at the gate sent us to one desk, who sent us to another desk, who sent us to a line, who sent us to a different building (at which point I deposited my luggage with Gavin outside so we weren’t hauling ALL of our stuff up and down stairs) where I was in the wrong line so I was sent back to the line I’d just come from in the first building, where I went, and was told “next train leaves tomorrow, standing tickets only.” Standing for twenty six hours? Alright. I called Kristy to confirm and she was furious but accepted our plan. So I went back in and swapped our sleeper tickets for standing tickets.

Then Gavin and I had to find another hotel room. The first several we found were full. The only lodging we could find was at a rather posh hotel. It was almost a hundred dollars for the night but split between two exhausted, sweaty, frustrated foreigners: that was nothing.

The rest of the day was mostly napping and reading and watching Netflix (yes, we had the internet but I was a little too overwhelmed to write. Don’t be mad mom). Besides, we had to get up much earlier the next day to ensure we didn’t have the same trouble.