Oh yeah, I have a blog.

I'm sorry that this has gone so long without an update. It's been a pretty tumultuous couple of weeks but things are finally getting settled and figured out. I moved apartments last week and am much happier here. It's bigger, brighter, and more comfortable. Also, not everything is broken. I've been cooking again, making more friends, and have a roommate who exists.

I'm going to try and stick to writing at least one post a week as well as for any particularly big or interesting things that happen. We'll see how that goes but there have been a lot of stories untold these past few weeks but I'm going to start with something recent: this weekend. This weekend fucking ruled.

I got an early start to my weekend. On Thursday I went out with my new friend Alena, a foreign teacher from Russia and our coworker Natasha (guess which country she's from). We went out for Turkish food after work and then Alena and I went to an indie rock concert at a little bar hidden down this hutong. The band was called "Bu Yao" which means "Don't want" in Mandarin. The lead singer/ rhythm guitarist and bassist were German, the lead guitarist was from the UK, the drummer was from America, and they had a Chinese girl playing a traditional Chinese instrument that I heard the name of like, seven times and still don't remember. Then I remembered internet and it's called an erhu. The music was okay but the band was super nice. We got to talk to most of them and the drummer said studio time is really cheap if I ever wanted to meet up with him to jam. After the concert Alena and I went walking around Lake Houhai (a cool lake with lots of tourist bars but kind of pretty after dark).

Friday I had a lucky day off because my school went on a field trip so I had plenty of time to recuperate. Then, in the evening, we had a dinner party. My friend Nikki and Andrew brought some of their Chinese friends. The Chinese girls made hot pot and soup and Andrew, being from Louisiana, made jambalaya. The food was all phenomenal and there was plenty of booze and good music. I even got to swing dance a little. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait for the next one.

Saturdays I work most of the day but after work I went to an English language improv comedy show. The venue was packed but the troupe was amazing. They started with a long form improv murder mystery and then did some short form games. I even got to go onstage for a game called "helping hands." I got to be Freddy Kruger's hands. The troupe has free workshops every week so I'm definitely going to start going to those. Huzzah for improv.

So, if my time in Beijing continues like this weekend has gone I think I'll be very happy, very tired, and have plenty of great stories to tell. One can hope.

I Finally Did Things!

So, to bring everyone back up to speed, I moved back to Beijing last weekend and got a little apartment on the campus of the Beijing Language and Culture University. The weekend I moved to Beijing marked the beginning of a holiday (the mid-autumn festival I think it's called). Essentially, the streets are overrun with people visiting and the people who live here go traveling. I wasn't working, know no one, and am on strict financial lock down. My life was essential Netflix, long and aimless walks, and take-out. It was a slow week.

A few days ago I began to claw my way out of that lonely little pit. I started answering ads on sites like thebeijinger.com trying to find some people to hang out with. I couldn't have asked for a better first result.

I started messaging another American named Margaret, another foreigner who came to the country by herself to teach and is having some trouble getting things settled. We swapped numbers and she invited me out to a couch surfing event. Couch Surfing, for those who don't know, is a travel community where people give recommendations, organize events, and let people crash on their couches. I had no idea what the event was but it sounded like a great way to meet some people and get out of my apartment.

So, I met Margaret, Francy from German, William from France, Judy and Joyce from China, Carlos, Raphael, and one guy's name I never did catch from Mexico. We decided to embrace Chinese culture by going out for pizza. It was great. Everyone was friendly, the pizza was really good, the beer was cheap, and we used the last pizza as a spinner for "Truth or Dare." Raphael had to steal a sip of a stranger's beer and the  stranger he selected was drunk enough to think it hilarious. He decided we were all friends. Probably one of the better reactions you can have.

Afterwards, the three Mexicans, which is weirdly but definitely not racist in this context, wanted to take us to a salsa club. Sounded fun enough so we let them whisk us away to what essentially looked like a dead club. We could hear the band and they sounded good but it was thirty RMB to get in. I hardly wanted to pay a cover to watch a live band playing for a half empty club. We decided to keep looking. Apparently, we were a stone's throw from expat nightlife central. We waited in a promisingly long line for fifteen RMB mojitos being mixed in batches of twelve from a street cart where I met a handful of Americans and a particularly honest Englishman. The Americans reminded to teach freedom to my students and Ye Olde English Gent reminded me, and everyone in earshot, that "you don't care if she cums, you don't want to cuddle, you just want to drain your boys, bugger off, have a kebab, and sleep in your own bed." I'm glad he was to drunk to see how hard I was laughing. Finally, drinks in hand, we bid the soothsayer farewell and went off to find a more lively club.

You couldn't have asked for better results. At the end of the street we say a big club that seemed to be packed with people dancing. Works for me. We were basically set to go in until the bouncer told us we had to finish our drinks. Carlos, the most charismatic of the bunch, sort of took charge and decided we should try to find this club called "Five Elements" which is close enough to "The Fifth Element" so I was willing to check it out. However, it became readily apparent that no one knew how to get there. We decided to double back to the first club we'd seen and down our drinks on the way.

When we got back to the club we walked into a dance off on the stage. These little Chinese guys could break dance. We formed a little bunch right up against the stage and danced for hours. I never even got myself a drink. The music shifted from intense and fantastic to kind of kitsch (YMCA, anyone?). All in all, it was fantastic and free. You can be sure I'll find my way back before my time here is over.

Eventually, Margaret and I stepped out to find water. I didn't bother to ask at the bar, I expected it to be quite expensive and the fresh air was welcome. That's when we realized it was past 2:00a.m. We decided to call it a night and started looking for cabs. The ones actually in the expat zone wanted to charge about 150RMB for a ride which I didn't trust so we decided to make our way a bit further from the beaten path to find cabs that would use the meter. Eventually we decided we were far enough so we hailed a cab. We got her cab in less than a minute. Ten minutes later I was able to get a cab but only after being accosted by a drug dealer. Seriously, he wouldn't leave until I let him give me his number. So if anyone in China needs any "stuff" I'll get you in touch with Ike. He's got stuff.

William, Margaret, and Judy are staying in Beijing for quite awhile, the rest of the bunch were travelling through.We all gave our email addresses to William so he can start a group email and keep in touch. And the best thing, the whole night was less than twenty USD. Someday I'll stop thinking in USD but for now: pizza and two beers: 49RMB, mojito: 15RMB, cab fare: 63RMB. Total: 127RMB.

If I can continue finding people like that to hang out with I think my time here will turn around and improve quickly. Holiday's over. Lets see what the work week brings.

Chinese Karaoke Bar

This one doesn’t really need any pretense. Just, yeah. Chinese karaoke bar.

Basically, Ollie and I realized that everyone wanted to go drink on Friday night so he sent out the mass text basically establishing that it was going to be a group activity. Idly, Gavin and I had been planning on checking out this pub Kristy and pointed out during our first big group dinner and that was the plan until we decided to invite the TA’s. They have an even shorter stick than the teachers basically. They’ll obviously wanna knock a few back, right?

Right we were. The first question out of their collective mouth was “are you going to a bar-bar or a KTV bar?” I mentioned the pub plan and I could tell that, in their eyes, I was full of wrong. Ollie and I, who work together Friday mornings, were then the unwitting representatives of our whole troupe of teachers. But a quick mental head count put the odds in favor of karaoke. I knew Gavin loves karaoke, I’d sing, Jonathon (Ollie’s roommate) is a musician and will surely sing, the TA’s are Chinese so they’re obviously singing. Fuck it. Let’s do some karaoke.

 

We gathered in front of the large mall, Nikko Nikko Do, at 8:30 that night. We were trying to get a pin down on what sort of prices we could expect and it quickly dawned on us that pregaming was important. The KTV where the TA’s had booked a room was just kitty corner across the intersection. The two western girls were running late so that bought us some time. Luckily, there’s a supermarket underneath Nikko Nikko Do. Jonathon, leading the charge like a homing missile, took the men (Ollie and I) to the beverage section and they grabbed two cans of beer. I had taken one when I looked up and realized they both had two. I’m no wuss. I grabbed a second and ran to the check out. It was only like, seven Yuan for the beers; definitely cheaper than the bar.

We made it back outside just as the girls were getting off of their bus. We made our way through the underground crossing, doing a number on our beers in our short walk,  towards our KTV Partyroom. We didn’t have to leave the crossing to get into the building. The underground passage emptied right into a huge arcade. The KTV bar was several flights up and quite posh.

So, it’s like this. Most karaoke, especially high end places, have the groups in private rooms as opposed to a big open stage. The lighting was dim, the staff was smartly dressed, the prices were a bit steep on the surface but this is meant to be a group activity. Split however many ways our share only came out to forty Yuan a head. That got us hours of singing, twenty four cans of beer, a bottle of Absolute, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and all sorts of snacks.

Our room was equipped with a touch screen panel that allowed for song selection and presumably some other functions (obviously everything other than some of the songs/artists was in Chinese), a long couch, a low table, and two microphones. I was shown a list of the English songs on the screen and it seemed despairingly lacking and eventually Jonathon just lit up “I Am the Walrus” and we were off. Some songs were individual reveries, a lone performing pouring his or her heart and soul into the melody. Others were show stopping, decibel laden, cathartic group numbers, e.g., the Muppets cover of Bohemian Rhapsody. I sang most every alternative rock/ indie song on the docket (and Shots by LMFAO) and we all had an amazing time.

 

 

Oh. Hai Other Teachers!

            The other day I bumped into Ollie on the stairs of my building. He lives in the complex with another English teacher. We crossed paths again at my first school yesterday. We took the same bus back towards home after our lessons and he showed me to a dumpling restaurant he knows. We also picked up Casey (potentially Stacy, I can’t remember) who’s still in training and will most likely be assuming my classes once I leave. Ollie is from Edinburgh. He’s wide and thick with brilliantly blue eyes and short brown/ grey hair. He’s good natured and smiles often. Casey/ Stacy is from Yorkshire and has only been here for a few days and is still taking it all in. It was a delightful little lunch and we made plans to meet up for dinner at seven that evening with anyone who’s free.

            Seven rolled around after a long day of lessons, and another encounter with Auntie who came to steal Gavin and I’s passports, and we went down to find Ollie with his roommate Jonathon. Jonathon is from Australia and has a sort of dopey look about him and seems to be perpetually pitched forward but is easy going and good natured. We went to Niko Niko Do (a huge mall that serves as a convenient landmark) to meet Kristy, another English teacher, not our boss, who’s been here for a year already. Kristy, another Australian is twenty one, from Tazmania and appreciates a dark stout.

Kristy, being the most knowledgable of our surroundings, led us to a group dining style restaurant with English menus. It was fantastic. We had fish with honey glaze and lamb with cumin and these pumpkin French fry things and Hoisin pork with a hunk of bread (real, crusty, French bread), and a few other dishes. It was wonderful. We chatted all across the table about our various countries of origin and how they relate to China and one another. Australia has waterproof, plastic money. Who knew?

After a pleasant and leisurely dinner we went our separate ways (as much as can be said, four of us living in the same complex) and retired early. 

Living in China isn’t Nearly as Noisy as Working in a Kindergarten

            I had my first day of lessons yesterday. It was a long day.

            I met my first teaching assistant outside of my building at 7:50 and was whisked off to a nearby bus stop. We chatted for a bit and I found out, much to my surprise, I was teaching four classes that afternoon in addition to the five I had scheduled this morning. I love knowing things! I just steeled my resolve and figured there’s nothing to do but put my head down and plow though.

The first school, two bus stops past the Walmart. God damn it, America! China has enough cheap crap without your help! Ahem. Anyway. My first school was a bright, reddish building with a charming campus and cartoony pictures all throughout the halls. Molly, my TA, led me to a classroom and I was basically told to “do my thing.” Luckily, the lesson I was supposed to teach was one of the ones I’d done during training. It was a lot of fun. The kids were responsive and happy. They were also a touch older so they already knew some English. All in all I couldn’t be more pleased with my first lesson.

After my lesson Molly took me to a noodle shop so I could have breakfast. More rice noodles. We decided to eat back at the school since it was cooler. Our “teachers lounge” was an abandoned class room with crayon scrawl covering every wall. If I hadn’t known it was a kindergarten it would have looked like a lunatics cell. And in grand fashion of things that only I find funny there was an abacus hanging on the back of the door in front of a Bat Signal. Imagining the world’s greatest detective foiling the Joker with an abacus set a bemused smile on my face throughout breakfast.

My next few lessons all went basically the same. Happy kids, lots of games, lots of shrieking. Every class had a few kids who picked it up really quick and were the most eager. There were also the kids who were bored shitless. In my second class there was this one kid who didn’t move the whole time. He just sat there staring at me with these red, sad, “I’ve been crying and my life is still miserable” eyes. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stop class and cheer him up or just make him turn around. It was heart breaking and a bit creepy all at once. Seriously, at no point was he not peering into my soul. I hope you’re happier now little Chinese kid.

The youngest kids, my very last lesson at the first school, were a bit more difficult. Not really for control reasons, they just don’t know any English at all. Getting them involved was difficult but eventually they warmed up. They lost interest pretty fast but whatever. They’re three. That’s a good enough excuse.

The second school was a bit more challenging. My assistant, Linda, had never been to this school before. We found it easily enough and went up to meet the headmistress. It was a fruitless effort for me but Linda seemed to get something out of it. I just stood there, sweating in the doorway.

            Suddenly their meeting finished and Linda showed me to my first room. I was setting up my materials when Linda came and told me that this class has already studied all three of the books I’ve been trained with. I had to improvise a lesson. We just did Greetings and Goodbyes. The kids seemed entertained enough. Though now I know to have a few back up lessons at the ready. Just in case.

            The next two lessons went like the morning’s and then I had to teach a baby class. Basically a room full of Chinese two year olds who can’t even speak Chinese yet. I found out I was teaching this age group when I was at my first school and I’d been scrambling to come up with a “lesson plan” since then. I just resolved to teach them “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” I got nothing. Hardest audience I’ve ever performed for. They just sat and basically whimpered at me. A few kids got up and did the motions but no one looked happy.

           All in all, I’m very pleased with my lessons. I am, however, very weary of my company’s organizational skills. The first school: the headmistress wasn’t there that day to meet us. There was a fire drill that threw off our whole schedule. None of the teachers were expecting us so we were basically barging in. The second school: the baby class I wasn’t trained for and the class that was above my training level. I’m really going to need my head on a swivel I think. I hope it’ll smooth out once I’m back in Beijing and have a bit of a routine established. Provided I’m allowed to establish one. We’ll just have to see.

            At least the kids are cute. 

Paint the Town Red

Gavin and I had a really successful night out last night. We went back to a cheap noodle shop in the pedestrian district for dinner (they charged us an extra 1.5 Yuan but whatever) and formulated our plan.

Our first stop was a two story restaurant/ pool lounge with an arcade in the basement. It's twenty yuan for an hour of pool and it took us nearly fifty minutes to finish our first game. Yes. We really do suck. But, it was fun. The people playing around us seemed pretty serious. Most of the plays had special gloves designed to make the cue slide over their fingers more easily. We lost track of how many games the table behind us went through during our one. We didn't really need to know. 

Afterwards we hit the arcade in the basement. No Guitar Hero, but there were like, seven different rhythm/ percussion games. We picked one and Gavin creamed me two out of three. It was hectic and a lot of fun. Then we pumped a few coins into Time Crisis 4, one of my absolute favorite arcade shooters. After that we had enough left for a racing game (which kind of sucked) and one spare for the coin pusher. We didn't win. All that for only five Yuan. (Still less than one USD). 

After the arcade we went to the Irish pub we'd visited a few nights ago. We checked a few other places but the other bars seemed quite expensive and neither of us really wanted to go to a club on a Monday night. In the end, I think we made the best possible decision. 

The bar was hosting karaoke and they had a live accompanist on guitar. We saw a few really talented Chinese songs performed and then waved the server down and asked to see the book. Everything was in Chinese. Should have seen it coming. Gavin went up and asked the guitarist if he knew any English songs and ended up performing "Hey Jude" for the crowd. Unfortunately, I don't think Gavin's mic was on because I could only her the guitarist singing. He was quite good.

I wanted to do a number but Gavin told me that the guitarist claimed "Hey Jude" was his only English song. I should mention, he was playing Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" as we were discussing this. When he walked by our table Gavin asked, on my behalf, if I could just borrow the guitar. He shrugged and ushered me onstage. I played "Such Great Heights" as performed by Iron and Wine and tried to hand the guitar back to the musician. He waved me off and continued to talk to a pretty woman at a table near the stage. Then he just left. I ended up playing basically my entire repertoire. Gavin filled in for vocals on a few (using the mic that worked this time). He's got quite a good voice though I don't think he knew the lyrics for any of the songs all the way through. I even got a request. I didn't know the song but there was a computer on stage so I found the tabs and stumbled through "With or Without You." The Chinese guy who made the request seemed pleased enough. I played for an empty bar for awhile just because I missed having a guitar to play.

Eventually I was simply out of material and my fingers were killing me so I went out to join Gavin who was in conversation with one of the waitresses. She studied business English and was reveling in the opportunity to practice. Eventually we made our excuses and started to leave and we were flagged down by a table of Londoners who'd been able to hear me playing through the outdoor speakers. Apparently they'd decreed "we go when they go." And they didn't want to go yet. I'm so glad we joined them.

I was nestled between Tasha and Chris. Chris is a banker and was soft spoken, interesting, and interested in politics and economics. Though I have to say: the real treasure was Tasha. She has an advanced degree in neurology so we talked about everything from the new world order to the singularity to the differences between Chinese and English. We both agreed it was good to air out our inner nerds a bit. It was nearly 3:30a.m. before we finally left.

Well played Guilin. You certainly know how to spruce up a Monday.

Chinese Medicine Man

            So, Gavin and I got our health checks this morning. I found out this was happening at about 11:30 last night just as I was finally nodding off.

            Gavin and I are to meet yet another assistant (we’ve met two and I have phone numbers for one other) at 8:30 out of the company’s office building, which I have yet to see at this point. Luckily, Gavin had been the day prior and leads us there. It’s only a ten minute walk from our apartment and we’re early. We camp on the steps and are finally approached by  Shirley, the woman who’s designated to help us through this whole ordeal. I assume we’re ready to go. Then she tells me: “we’re waiting for Auntie.”

            Oh joy.

            She shows up after another ten minutes and we all clamber into her car, which seems rather decent. It inspires me to wonder what the hell this woman actually does for a living. Anyway, she whisks us across a bridge away from the heart of the city to a creepy little government building with an overly bureaucratic name. I didn’t think to write it down but it was something like “The Chinese-Guilin International Office of Entering and Exiting Citizens Public Security.” Seriously, there were a lot of words in the name of this building.

            We were led to the side so our pictures could be taken in a little studio. Glad I wore an undershirt and skipped the shower. That mixed with another restless night of sleep will make sure my documents capture the real Eric: the confused, sleepy, unkempt thing wandering the streets of this bat-shit crazy Country.

            Luckily, this is a short diversion and we’re shuttled off to an equally bureaucratic travel clinic. We park around back and sneak in through another side door, sliding an overturned table out of our way to make our entrance. Real official… If I didn’t have diseases already now is a good as time as any to start.

            We’re given some forms and fill out all we can (still need an address people) and are led from one cubical to another. This examination seems a lot more involved than the one I’d have to leave the States. The first step was a four point electromyocardiogram (my best guess). It was that, an ultrasound (it’s a boy), chest x-ray, blood sample, urine sample, eye test, the works. The most unnerving parts were Auntie stalking around and recounting her previous endeavors with us hopeless Westerners. That, and peering into ever examining window she could seem to find. All I could think was “please. Please don’t do that while I’m in there.”

            The whole process only took about an hour, which was merciful, and then we were off for home.

            Well, only before we swung through some apartment complex to deliver a printer and cell phone to some woman. Is that how Auntie keeps afloat? Electronics smuggler? Repair woman? I have no idea.

All I know is that in one week I should know just how many diseases I picked up because of that health check. 

The Life and Times of “Auntie”

This woman is an enigma. Or she might be. Really, I can’t understand anything she’s saying. I’ve mentioned her before in my posts, I believe, but after this morning she just deserves a bit more of the spot light.

As mentioned, she was the one who helped show us our apartment and get us moved in on Sunday morning. However, she also showed up last night at like, 9:15-ish. Mind you, I’d just given up and come out of a cool shower and retreated to my air conditioned room when I heard the banging at the door. I heard Gavin respond so I just ignored it but then I heard her.

As near as I could figure, she was coming to make sure we were comfortable. I had resigned to sleep so my air conditioner was running pretty heavy, mostly because no matter what the settings on the remote read it only seems to have one output level. This was good. Gavin, on the other hand, doesn’t sweat as easily as I do and was comfortable just to have his windows open. This was bad.

Auntie tried to pantomime that my room was freezing and that was right and Gavin’s room was too hot and that was wrong. I tried to explain in my broken Chinese that we’re both okay. She assumed that his air conditioner was broken and kept turning it on and holding her hand in front of it to feel the air. She also wanted Gavin to do something to his air conditioner with an old pillow case. That part still has me confused.

I’m not sure what changed, but her next tactic was to indicate that Gavin should haul his mattress into my room and sleep on my floor. Gavin and I are cool, but we’ve been sharing a room for the past week. The space is welcome. However, that concept is difficult to explain. So I just resolve to repeat “我么是很好！” Which, I hope, translates into “we are both very good” until she leaves. That didn’t work.

We cycle through these first few steps a few times. Me, knowing she doesn’t speak English and being an ass, begin to say simply in English “please go. We don’t understand you. You are making us very sad.” Gavin was amused and Auntie said “Hello.” Her one English word. Sigh.

Eventually, she did leave. I’m not sure what worked in the end. The whole encounter, which took maybe twenty minutes, was one of the most random and confusing experiences of my life.

Also, she told us to close our windows at night or we’d be eaten by rats.

Reflections - Week 1

This is harder than I think I’d initially expected. I was led to believe there’d be a lot more English speakers. On one hand, I’m glad there aren’t. It’ll force me to learn Chinese which was one of my reasons for coming. But when EVERYTHING is so foreign, it’s difficult when you can’t even express simple requests.

            The heat also isn’t helping. It feels like all I’ve done is sweat in this country. I’m regretting only packing one pair of shorts. I never wear them back home but this heat and humidity is just relentless. And only being able to drink bottled or boiled water is tough when I don’t have a kettle or fridge. I’m just happy bottled water is really cheap.

            I just need to get situated, I hope. Once I’m in Beijing, know my job, and have a place to live I can start figuring out my ass from my elbow. I didn’t pack to live out of a suitcase and get shuffled around the country.

            China is a bit vulgar by Western standards. There are lots of people spitting and sneezing openly in the street. I saw a grown man peeing into a bush on a crowded street at like, three in the afternoon. No one says “excuse me.” Cars and bikes just seem to come from every direction and don’t look for pedestrians or other cars. It’s just a constant battle for survival.

            When I went to Sweden I fell in love instantly. The architecture was brilliant. The people were calm and very polite. The whole atmosphere was very quaint, proud, and becoming. China is going to have to grow on me.

            I think it will. I don’t want to sound like this is whining or that I’m afraid I made a mistake. I’m not thinking that. It’s just been one of the craziest weeks of my life. I have no clue what’s going on most of the time and that’s more difficult for me than I realized. I have a lot to learn and I’m looking at China as something of a challenge to overcome.

Challenge accepted.

Guilin – Day 2

We were scheduled to switch from our apartment to our hotel. This little woman everyone calls Auntie came to our room at 9:45, fifteen minutes early, and led us out to cabs and then over the building. I wasn’t sure if she’s the land lord (turns out she isn’t) but she was very helpful getting our backs up all seven flights of stairs. Once our bags were in she started cleaning. We weren’t sure what to do so Gavin and I just sat and watched awkwardly.

The previous tenant showed up after awhile. A twenty five year old South African man named Paul who’s switching from working for Kristy teaching children to becoming an English lecturer at a local college. He’s been here ten months and speaks quite strong Chinese. He didn’t know any when he got off the plane but has practiced extensively and it shows. It’s rather inspiring actually. He gave me a few tips about learning that I plan to enact once I’m settled in Beijing.

Anyway, he helped go through some negotiations with Auntie and the land lords, who did eventually turn up, as Gavin and I continued to sit by uselessly. After they left Paul offered to take us out and show us around. We had lunch at a local restaurant, potatoes (thought of you, Olivia) and egg plant with dumplings. After lunch he showed us around a bit. Like Beijing, the little street market is about two blocks from the huge mall. China is just weird like that.

Guilin - Day 1

It was about 1:00p.m. when we arrived in Guilin. Gavin and I hauled our stuff through the train station and met Summer and Molly who’d been sent to collect us, two locals who work for Kristy and our set up to be Gavin and I’s teaching assistants. Molly is a bit like a Chinese Barbie, very pretty with a very high pitched voice; she’s my assistant. Summer is all business and often looks stern or cross but seems very efficient. She’s going to be Gavin’s assistant.

They took us to our hotel, let us wash and then took us to lunch. It was sort of like an ala carte buffet. Lots of little plates with food and some were meant to just be taken, others you pointed at and a waitress brought over. I couldn’t discern the system and I didn’t care. I’d only slept those few fitful hours on the train and eaten the light breakfast Li had given me along with a cup of noodles and some small rice and fish meal I’d bought on the train. I. Was. Hungry.

After lunch we were swept off to see our new apartment. It’s sort of a shit hole (though it’s the apartment I’ve seen in the country so I don’t want to judge to harshly) but it’ll do for two weeks. After that we were basically left to wander. We wandered through the market right outside our apartment and through a big mall and along a river walk. It seems very cool here. Then again, we’re right in the center of Guilin. In Beijing, we were a bit farther out from the middle. Anyway, a quick detour to our hotel for a breather and we went out again and found a sprawling pedestrian street with tons of little shops and restaurants. We ended up walking around for almost three hours. At one point, a local man came up to practice his English with us and showed us a little noodle shop where you can get Guilin’s famous rice noodle dish for 3.5 Yuan. A freakin’ steal for a hearty bowl of dinner. We ended the night at an Irish pub for a quick night cap. It was empty but also 8:00p.m.

On our way back to our hotel we saw some huge dance being performed on a large outdoor stage. We watched a few numbers and I gave up and went back to hotel. Gavin was back only twenty minutes behind me. Apparently there’d only been three more dances. Someday we’ll figure this place out. Someday.

Radio Silence, part five - Twenty. Six. Hours.

            Friday went more smoothly. We left our hotel at 7:30 and basically waltzed right onto our train. The train was already quite full, however, and I packed for a year in Beijing, not two weeks in Guilin. Wrestling my parameter hugging suit cases down the crowded car was a struggle and the other passengers did little to help. That seems to be the Chinese way. Some people have been very helpful and friendly. Most don’t even move out of the way as you struggle by.

Anyway, we got settled sitting on the floor of the smoking car and started our journey. The first leg was spent leaning against our bags, then there was room on the rack after the first stop and we stowed our bags and stole seats until the rightful ticket holders boarded and ousted us. That was the second leg of the journey. Eventually, we learned that you could buy dining car seats at eleven p.m. I took my back pack of valuables and wished the rest of my luggage well and wrestled with Gavin to the appropriate car. A line had already formed but it wasn’t a huge line. It was already 10:40p.m. by the time we hit the line and they opened up the doors at 10:50. We slumped into seats and I instantly attempted to sleep at the table.

I succeeded. I was woken a few times by the waitress but basically managed to fitfully sleep for the next five hours.

Eventually, the girl who told us about the dining car passed through and told us that we could buy beds. DONE! We gathered up and found an agent who would sell us two beds and stumbled off to sleep. Unfortunately, once I laid down I was wide awake. However, I was much more comfortable so I just read and listened to music and started writing this extensive stream of posts.

Towards the end our journey, the girl who’d led us to the dining car and the sleeping car returned and gave me something called “Monkey Munch” and two individually vacuum wrapped hard boiled eggs. I can’t identify or describe the monkey munch. I don’t think it was real monkeys. Anyway, her name is Li and she’s an English student at the college in Guilin and I owe the retention of my sanity largely to her. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Li.

Radio Silence, part four - "I Like Trains"

Thursday was not a great day.

We were supposed to leave our hotel at 8:00 to make our 8:20 train immediately next door. Okay, if you say so, Kristy. Unfortuantely, it took Gavin and I almost ten minutes to get our deposits for the room keys back (Gavin actually just went without his) so by the time we made our way to the train it was too late. It was still two minutes early and we could SEE the train on the platform but they still refused to let us on.

Frustrated, defeated, sweaty as anything, we set off to try and remedy our dilemma. The ticket taker at the gate sent us to one desk, who sent us to another desk, who sent us to a line, who sent us to a different building (at which point I deposited my luggage with Gavin outside so we weren’t hauling ALL of our stuff up and down stairs) where I was in the wrong line so I was sent back to the line I’d just come from in the first building, where I went, and was told “next train leaves tomorrow, standing tickets only.” Standing for twenty six hours? Alright. I called Kristy to confirm and she was furious but accepted our plan. So I went back in and swapped our sleeper tickets for standing tickets.

Then Gavin and I had to find another hotel room. The first several we found were full. The only lodging we could find was at a rather posh hotel. It was almost a hundred dollars for the night but split between two exhausted, sweaty, frustrated foreigners: that was nothing.

The rest of the day was mostly napping and reading and watching Netflix (yes, we had the internet but I was a little too overwhelmed to write. Don’t be mad mom). Besides, we had to get up much earlier the next day to ensure we didn’t have the same trouble.

Radio Silence, part three - This is Exhausting. Lets Drink!

I’m not going to say much more about our days/ our training. Just this: I’m doing very well and Kristy is being very flattering and has high expectations for me. Gavin had a bit more difficulty and has been reassigned to middle school level. He seems a bit relieved by the lack of puppets and songs, so I’m happy for him. However, after some long days of training, Kristy gave us the low down on some of Beijing’s bar scene.

Tuesday: Tuesday night we went out to a lake that was surrounded by bars and shops and restaurants. It was a night of firsts for us. Our cabby really tried to swindle us (she wanted us each to pay the full fare, not split it), we were propositioned by some prostitutes, and Gavin had to choke down some beer. Gavin’s drink is either wine or spirits. Most bars only sold wine by the bottle or spirits for like, sixty Yuan, about ten dollars, for a small cocktail. Beer, however, was like, twenty Yuan. Closer to $3.50. We started off in a bar called “The Reggae Bar” because it looked cozy and had the prices outside. And they were good. There was a band (every bar seemed to have a band) consisting of two guitarists and a bongo. The second we got our first drinks they started a reggae cover of “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd, one of my favorite songs and the first one I learned when I started guitar. Tonight was going well.

We had a round at the Reggae bar and wandered a bit, we bought a flask of Chinese liquor (Gavin says it’s called Shou-you or something) and hit up another bar. Not as cool as the Reggae bar but it had a so it was nice to look down over the lake. Afterwards we found a side street full of shops selling everything from leather bound journals to jewelry to fabric to coffee. We wandered into a few an perused the goods. Neither of us bought anything since we know we’re not being paid until October 10^th and there was more drinking to be done. We tried one other bar and eventually decided to end our night at the Reggae Bar. We met two women from France, a Moroccan, a Canadian, and a couple, the male was from Northern Ireland and the Woman was from Slovakia. It was a great time, the band was awesome, the prices were great, and the company was very warm. Definitely going back to Reggae bar.

 

Wednesday:

We didn’t have to train on Wednesday so after a late start, did I mention we didn’t get to bed until about 2:30a.m., we went wandering. Neither of was really looking for anything except for me. I needed beard clippers. I was planning on just letting it grow but Kristy told me that I needed to shave. I managed to convince her to just let me trim it and she eventually caved. She still doesn’t understand my attachment to my beard, but she doesn’t need to.  

Ahem… Gavin and I found tons of cool shops and a big market in a warehouse thing, like the one near my hotel, and confirmed that you really can buy friggin anything in Beijing. I had my first haggling experience outside the market. A little shop had a beard trimmer and the proprietor wrote “150” on a scrap of paper. I tentatively wrote “100” and he just laughed and nodded. I think he wanted to tousle my hair. “Cute little American.” Oh well, I know to shoot lower next time.

Kristy took us out to dinner with a bunch of her friends, one of whom was openly photographing Gavin and I at the table, for famous Peking Duck. At first I was a tad concerned. I wasn’t entirely sure what Peking Duck consists of. I figured it was just really tasty duck. However: first they brought us duck feet. I tried one and it was rather gross (it’s all bone, cartilage, and way too much vinegar). Then duck head: spicy as hell and not even a nibble of actual meat anywhere. The duck itself, served with cucumber, sprouts, melon, and Hoisin sauce with tortillas, probably not called “tortillas” here, was phenomenal.

Since the meals are typically only served with hot water to drink I had beer with the rest of the table. Gavin doesn’t drink beer so for whatever reason the Chinese seemed to get their kicks out of toasting with me and forcing me to drain my glass. Fortunately, the beer was weak and the glasses are quite small but I still developed the habit of only filling my glass part way up. Kristy told me that it’s part of Chinese hospitality and patriotism to try and get foreigners drunk. I’m on to you, Chinese guys. I’m on to you.

            After dinner, we went to the bar. Apparently Wednesday is “open bar” night at most places on the street we were sent. Basically you pay a cover, ten dollars for men and five dollars for women, and drink all you’d like. Gavin and I weren’t really up for trying to “get our money’s worth” at a place like that so instead we found a bar with amazing happy hour specials. We ended up spending a LOT of time at “La Bamba.” A beer was five Yuan (less than a dollar) and Gavin’s vodka cocktails were all ten Yuan (like $1.80).  A lot of American music and westerners so it was good conversation all around. I met a Honduran musician, an American student, and plenty of others. Also, I’ve heard “Call me Maybe” TWICE since I’ve been to China. LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M NOT CALLING YOU!!!

            We ended up doing all our drinking at La Bamba but we did try to find another place after our second round or so and I had a super “it’s a small world” experience: I ran into a girl from my Mandarin class at Carthage. Her name’s Jessica, she’s here studying for a year. Once I’m back in Beijing we’re going to get meet up and she’s gonna show me some more of the westerner hang outs.

Wednesday was a good night.

Radio Silence, part two - On the Road Again

The move went mercifully smooth. Unfortunately, my correspondence with the school prior to my departure from America had made it sound like I’d spend one, maybe two  or three days in a hotel before I was situated in an apartment, either my own or with another teacher, so I packed to the brim. I have a backpack, two large suit cases, and a small carry one.  After struggling up the steps and across the busy Beijing traffic I’m instantly sweaty and a bit peeved. Luckily, it doesn’t take more than twenty minutes to hail a cab (apparently good time for Beijing) and get loaded up.

I get to Gavin’s room and he has his “do not disturb” sign up. I knock lightly and he doesn’t answer so I just set up camp outside his door. That is, until someone who works for the hotel sees me sitting there and just rings his room. Well, it worked. I got in and settled a bit and decided not to tell Kristy I was there yet. It’s only 7:30 by this point.

            Gavin and I snooze, get acquainted, and do our homework for the previous evening. Eventually Kristy shows up and we start training. It’s a tad silly, treating two competent adults like Kindergarteners, but I’m used to silly and throw myself into it. Kristy has a lot of very positive things to say about my teaching and some very helpful advice. She also has a ton of crazy, nit-picky, points she spends way too long talking about. I write it off to making sure she’s understood through her language barrier, but it gets a little stir crazy rather quickly. We’re at it for a long time in a room with no windows. Also, because she never set a time she’d be coming: neither of us had eaten breakfast.

            However, Monday remains relatively calm. We basically train, wait for her to come back from her random other errands whenever she gives us homework, watch some Chinese TV, and urge her to take us apartment hunting. No such luck and basically we just train on and off all day and eventually pass out.

Radio Silence, part one- The London Gentleman

It’s just rounding 8:00a.m. I’ve been on this train for about twenty-four hours and have another four to go.

But we’ll come to that.

 

It’s been a busy few days. And it’s been a busy few days in a new hotel without internet. So I’ll start at the top of these… Events.

On Sunday afternoon I met my boss, a Chinese woman named Kristy who runs the who program I work for. This was an experience in and of itself. I was planning to take a bus but I was under the impression you needed a fare card. After an hour of wandering I couldn’t locate anything that appeared to produce them so I took a cab. I later found out that fare cards are optional. It costs one Yuan to take the bus via cash fare. That’s like, fifteen cents. China, you win this round.

 

Anyway, I made it to the hotel and met Kristy. We had lunch and talked a bit about the school and the job and our schedule for the next few days. Eventually the conversation digressed to the other new Beijing teacher: Gavin, A twenty-something from London. Gavin and Kristy were set up in the same hotel right next to the Beijing West Railway Station’s South Square where, I found out during lunch, I’d be taking a train to Guilin to get my government health check, Visa extension, and final training.

 

Side bar: A Chinese work visa is valid for thirty days. So, anyone working in China has that thirty days to procure the proper extensions. Apparently, the requirements for Visa extensions are different in different regions. Gavin and I, who both lack any prior English teaching experience, aren’t technically qualified to get our extensions in Beijing. So we’re going to Guilin, Kristy’s hometown and other school location, to get our papers in order before heading back to Beijing.

 

After lunch, Kristy seemed intent on taking us sightseeing. Gavin and I were too polite to decline so next thing I knew we were on a bus to the Forbidden Palace. It’s worth noting: Gavin’s only been off the plane for about four hours and I’m still jet lagged like hell. I want to see all the touristy stuff, but I have a whole year. Really I just want to find a place to stay so I can unpack (this will become a recurring theme).

The Palace is imposing and very touristy. People pedal off the red book of quotes, hats with red stars, and ice cream. There are people playing badminton and there are basket ball hoops. There are CROWDS. There’s reverence. And there is a LOT of security cameras. I’d like to go back when I’m not carrying my too heavy back pack and when Gavin has his camera.

We decide it’s time to go back towards our hotel for dinner. Loading onto another bus between the Forbidden Palace and one of Beijing’s main rail hubs really solidifies everything I’ve read about China’s population. The bus is a can of sardines, smell included. I can’t even stand straight over my own feet. The experience pushes Gavin and I a tad closer to madness. Luckily, the ride is only about forty minutes and we’re back to clean up before dinner. My hotel is the wrong way so I just sit in Gavin’s room while he readies himself.

Dinner is a non-issue. Dumplings with Kristy’s very quiet, alcohol enjoying, friend.

 

After dinner we have our first training.  She gives us the option of going to her office, a two hour bus ride, or sitting in the hotel lobby. Any guess where we ended up? So we’re in the lobby and we’re both being trained for Kindergarten level English in a program called Parade English. It’s a bunch of bright, cartoony characters with over done voices and puppets. The first night is pretty short. We don’t start until quite late and only have to go over the outline of a basic teaching methodology. However, we are given homework.  Myself more so than Gavin.

We both have work for the class, but I have to find my way back to my hotel and then move into Gavin’s room the next morning. It’s like, 9:30p.m., so not too late if you aren’t in the throes of jet lag. Kristy rights my bus down for me on a slip of paper and I’m off. I find a policeman and helplessly show him my paper. “那里？” I ask, hoping I’m saying it right. It’s basically the question “where?” He then walks me all the way to my bus stop. Bless you, Chinese policeman. Bless you.

 

That part went well. The next part… Well. I know there’s a bus stop right outside my hotel room, Because Kristy never specified otherwise: I figured this is the one I’m shooting for. Then the bus is empty and I have NO FUCKING CLUE where I am. Fortunately, neither of the people working on the bus speaks a lick of English. However, one of them calls a friend of his who speaks English and we work out where I’m supposed to get off. I pay again and we’re off.

I’m shooed off the bus at the appropriate stop by the attendant who’d lent me his phone and told to follow this woman who’s heading the same direction of my hotel. She doesn’t acknowledge me, but she does ensure I’m still tagging along. Eventually I recognize where I am, thank God for my aimless wandering the day prior, and wave “good bye” and strike off for “home.”

 

When I get to the lobby I try to arrange a taxi for my hotel swap the next day. Long story short, it takes twenty minutes for me to realize she’s just telling me to go across the street and hail a cab when I need one. China’s officially kicking my ass at this point.

Eric Vs. Beijing - Round 2 - Breakfast

我饿了. That means: "I'm hungry." This was my thought this morning.

Actually, that's not really true. My first thought was "why is the light still on?" Yup, I passed out last night dressed and with the lights still on. Unfortunately, it was only four in the morning local time so I went back to sleep for a couple more hours.

Then I woke up and was very hungry. Granted, I had a bit of left over dinner, a scallion pancake thing, but that hardly held me. So I gathered up my courage to go foraging. Sunny had shown me a market by my hotel, like an honest to God grocery store. I passed by but it looked quite closed so I decided to go back to the shopping area I'd found the day prior.

Find it I did. I also found this big market in a huge warehouse. I wandered around, getting a lot of stares, looking for something that looked ready to eat. It looked like everything was in its raw form so after a few rounds I decided to make my exit. I'll say this: the market had all manner of fresh groceries as well as an ample "stuff" section and nothing quite smells like a Chinese fish market.

I realized that I'm still too nervous to try and get vendor food from this place. There was TONS of food and even more people trying to buy it. I couldn't identify it and didn't want to hold up the line. Fucking Laowai (foreigner).

I made my way back towards my hotel and saw a line forming outside of the grocers so I figured it would open soon. That's when I noticed the cafe. A cafe that served coffee. Score. I went in and simply ordered "coffee" and the woman at the cash register gave me a menu. I saw that they had  hazelnut coffee, one of my favorite things, and pointed at that. Hell, it was the same price as the plain coffee (eight yuan) so why not. The waitress pulled out a calculator and entered "8." I gave her a hundred yuan note (the smallest thing I have other than three singles) and got change.

My coffee and I went to the grocery store next door which was already very full and very loud. Seriously, I walked in and took the escalator upstairs and found myself in the produce/ butcher. Everyone was shouting. The butcher, the bakers, the customers, the stocking clerks. And again:  nothing here looked ready to eat except some of the bakery stuff. There was a huge line and I didn't want to interfere so I made my way down stairs to the dry goods, stuff, and refridgerated sections. Again, nothing that looked good to eat right away so I snuck out the "Exit, No Purchase" line.

I continued wandering, long since out of coffee, until I finally settled on a street vendor. Despite the warnings of my travel guide to avoid vendors I did the quick check: everything looked clean, a fair few people stopped to place their order before going into the market it was outside of, and the food looked fresh. Also: there was no meat so that was one big risk factor avoided. I stood there and she just started making the... Whatever it was. It was a layer of batter cooked very thin, then en egg cracked in the middle and spread over the whole thing, flipped over, smeared with three of these brownish pastes. She asked if I wanted the red one which looked very, very spicy so I declined. Then a toss of two herbs, one was a mystery, the other was cilantro, some lettuce, and two crispy wontons. Then the whole thing was folded up burrito style. Four yuan. 

If you've been keeping track: that's eight for coffee, four for my crepe-omelet-burrito, and then three for the grape fruit tea I bought from the newspaper stand outside my hotel. A delicious, light, breakfast all for fifteen yuan. Less than three dollars. I see why so many people eat out.

Todays agenda: apartment hunting. Still waiting to hear from the guy who's supposed to lead that excursion so I guess I'll just keep wandering.

Here goes nothing.

Eric Vs. Beijing - Round 1 - The Cell Phone

After I got cleaned up in my hotel room my guide for the evening, another teacher from the school named Sunny, took me out to buy a cell phone. Fortunately, my guide has never been to this neighborhood so we decided we would do an exploration.

We took off down the street from my hotel, Motel 168 Super, which is on something of a main road I think. Aparerntly that's not enough to keep a little shopping district at bay. Seriously, like two blocks away from my hotel there's an area with tons of store fronts and street vendors. Lots of people. I actually learned a phrase on the cab ride to my hotel: "人海人山." It means "People Mountain, People Sea." It's a how most Beijing citizens feel about the population. The shops had EVERYTHING. I saw phones and bikes and underwear and flashlights and trinkets and all manner of stuff. Sunny led me into a little store that had cell phones. She told me it wasn't good because they didn't carry famous brands and suspected the phones wouldn't work. I trailed along obediently. It's China and I've been here for like, four hours. I have no idea what's going on.

Anyway, we got a little lost for awhile but everyone she asked for directions was very helpful (I presume) because eventually we crossed a bridge and ended up in front of this gigantic mall. Seriously, bigger than Water Tower Plaza, smaller than Mall of America. Anyway, we found that there's a reputable electronics dealer on the third story and we went up. My requests for a phone were simple: I need an English interface, GPS, and a translator. Basically, I needed a smart phone. I kept picking up phones with a "how about this one" look as I tried to find something suitable and not too terribly expensive. Eventually, and I mean EVENTUALLY, we settled on a Lenovo model that seemed to fit the bill. I thought we were all set but we needed a SIM card and apparently the official ones are really expensive and don't get you a lot of talk time/ data. So where did we go for a SIM card?

We went to the newspaper stand outside of the mall. Yup, the vendor had a blue plastic grocery sack full of SIM cards and a hand written sheet of the available phone numbers. I chose one at random and Sunny was taken aback: I'd chosen a number with two "4's". Very unlucky in China.

CHINA FUN FACT: The word for "four" is very close to the word for "death." It's the same word with a different tone. A number with no fours in it cost twenty extra yuan.

I decided to risk the bad luck and get the cheap one. We took our SIM card and went back into the phone store (where we'd left the phone to charge), handed over the SIM card, and got all set up. This process took about two and a half hours with walking and haggling and generally being confused. That's a long two and a half hours after a twelve hour flight.

As it stands: I have no idea how to use my phone. The interface is in English but anytime I open an app, that menu is still in Mandarin. Sunny! Help!

Journey to the East

Holy Crap. I'm in China.

I know this was to be expected but it's sort of a big deal for me. Anywho, taking it back to the start.

I left my house in the states at 5:00a.m. and went to the airport. It took a little bit of wandering around to find the right terminal: my Air Canada flight was being conviently operated by United. Whatever, my bags were RIGHT up to the limit (really, one bag rang up at 50lbs), and accepted with no hassle. I said "good bye" to my step dad who'd been kind enough to help me get checked in and carry the "oh shit, we're overweight" duffel bag. From here, it was on to SECURITY!

Which also went shockingly smooth. The didn't even need to look through my carry on. I'll spare some of the details. Really: the first leg of my journey went thusly: sit around terminal playing gameboy, four and half hour flight to Vancouver, I tried to sleep but couldn't so I just watched the inflight movie stuff. Once we landed in Vancouver I rushed through customs, ate my last hamburger for awhile, and repacked my carry-on so I could transfer some of my stuff out of my back pack. Then I got on the twelve hour flight to China.

That's a long time to be on a plane. But, I got quite lucky really. I was next to one of the very few other westerners on the plane. Her name was Kate, a Candian grad student pursuing her PhD in Chinese Architecture. She's going to be in a village several hours south of Beijing doing excavations. So we got to chat intermitently between our movies. There were a lot of movies. I watched: The Avengers, Adventureland, Some Modern Family, Falling Down, and Pirates (the claymated one, which I slept through). Three disapointing meals and four complimetary Heinekens later we landed in Beijing. The whole thing was a non issue. I made it through customs with no hold ups. Found all my luggage, was met by my school at the airport, and whisked into a taxi and taken to my hotel. It was a long, hot, slow drive through the crowded city.

This is about when I noticed that Beijing is HUGE! Like, Chicago is big but the tall buildings here seemed to just keep coming. I think most of them are apartments but I'm not sure. Most look oldish or run down; like they were built in a hurry.

There's a lot to take in. More than I was able to in my sleepy, jet laggy state. But there's much more to come.

Updated my "Prelude" Page

HEY!

Yeah, you there! You should totally check out the "Prelude" page at the top. I decided to keep that separate from the actual flow of posts so it's easy for people to find after I start filling this blog up with content. Looking forward to comments.

Enjoy!